Envisage
by Scifan
Summary: Some Season 4 Spoilers. The story takes place sometime after Season 4. John and his team investigate another Ancient lab. John falls victim to an Ancient device that can cost him his life if they can't figure out how to save him.
1. Chapter 1

Envisage

John, Ronon, Rodney and Teyla are in the lower part of the south wing in Atlantis. Rodney is holding a computer tablet, looking frustrated.

"Ah, come on!" Rodney yells. "This can't be right!"

"What's the matter Rodney?" asks John.

"Wa… wa… wait! I detected an energy reading down this way. I was positive that we shut all unnecessary areas down," whines Rodney.

"It wouldn't be the first time," teases Ronon.

"_Zing_!" snips back Rodney.

John looks a little aggravated and Teyla tries to hide a small grin.

"Ok. That's enough kids," John orders. "Let's just find this energy reading and shut it down."

They walk through the corridors until the find the room with the energy reading. John waves his hand over the crystals to open the door and is amazed by the sight he sees. As John walks in further the room automatically illuminates.

"It's a chair like the Chair room!" John says with excitement. "Maybe this one controls other interesting stuff in Atlantis."

"It seems to be different some how," mentions Teyla.

"It looks to be sitting a lot lower and maybe more reclined, but it still looks pretty much the same," answers John with eagerness.

"Do I need to remind you the reason why we are _here_? We are suppose to shutting things down, not starting things up," demands Rodney.

John is still grinning like a little boy and begins to circle the chair to examine it. Rodney looks at a near by console to see if he can get any information about the chair and it's purpose. Teyla looks at it with Rodney and Ronon starts to walk out of the room.

"While you figure this out, I'll be sitting out in the hallway," announces Ronon.

While everyone does their own thing, John curiosity gets the best of him and decides to sit in the chair. The chair begins to light up and Rodney and Teyla quickly turn around.

"_What are you doing_?" shouts Rodney. "Didn't I just say we were to shut this room down?"

"Ah, come on Rodney. It's a _chai_r. A _chair_ like the one we already use, might I add," say John with a smirk.

John leans back and a force field surrounds him and the chair. Braces automatically secure his wrists down.

"Rodney?!" John yells.

"Hold on!" Rodney shouts back.

Ronon hurries into the room when he hears the commotion. Everyone looks worried including John. Another light emerges form the headrest of the chair. It begins to engulf John's head. They can all see John struggling to keep his eyes open, but eventually loses the battle and his eyes close.

"John? John!" a nervous Teyla exclaims.

Sam calls Rodney on his comm. "McKay, What's going on? We just got readings of a major energy spike in your area."

"It's bad Sam! We need a science and medical team now!" exclaims Rodney.


	2. Chapter 2

As Rodney asks Sam to send a medical and science team to their location, Teyla calls his attention to the wall behind John. It begins to project a blurred image.

"Rodney. Rodney? What's going on? Who needs medical assistance?" asks Sam.

Rodney was mesmerized by what was going, "Um, Sam. I can't talk right now. All I can say that it's John and I gotta go now. McKay out."

Sam is concern with Rodney's response. Knowing something is wrong; she orders a medical and science team to quickly accompany her to where the others are.

Meanwhile, Ronon, Rodney and Teyla stare at the screen on the wall.

"How come I didn't notice that before?" questions Rodney.

"What is it?" responds Ronon.

"I… I don't know," answers Rodney.

They moves closer and they image begins to become clearer. They all see an image of a beautiful woman forcing a smile with watery tears and she is very pregnant. She crouches down and they see a handkerchief come towards them.

She begins to speak, "It's ok Johnny. It was an accident. Daddy had too much to drink and he didn't mean to get mad at you."

They can hear the sobbing of a little boy, "Mommy, did I do something to make daddy not like me?"

As she leans in to hug the little boy she whispers, "No Johnny. You're a good boy. Daddy just had a bad day."

Their eyes are wide as they stand in shock after watching the image in front of them.

"Rodney, I do not understand what are we watching?" asks Teyla.

"I, um. I think these are Sheppard's memories of when he was a kid and we are seeing through his eyes," responds Rodney with a hint of terror in his voice.

"Are you saying his father was abusive to him?" inquires Ronon.

"God, I hope not," answers Rodney.

"I know that Sheppard said that his father and him didn't get along, but he never said why," says Ronon.

"Rodney, you need to find a way to _stop_ this," stresses Teyla. "He would not be happy knowing we are seeing his private memories."

"I know, but I don't know how to do that," states Rodney.

Ronon tries to hit the force field to get through, but he was unsuccessful in getting through. Rodney continues to try to figure out how get John out by pushing some buttons on the console.

Teyla can't help to be drawn to the screen. She knows she shouldn't, but there is so little she knows about his past. She sees John's mom open a can of beer. A little chubby hand reaches out to grabs it.

"Ok, Johnny. Go give this to daddy. Ok?" says his mom.

Teyla sees him walking into a room and a disheveled looking man sitting in a cushioned chair watching a football game. As little John gets closer with the beer, his dad jumps up from excitement over the game. He accidentally hits the can of beer and it spills on himself. He looks at John angrily, begins to yell and blaming him for the spilt beer. Teyla then hears the mother yelling that John was only three and he didn't mean it. The father sighs and mumbles that she babies him too much and returns to his game. The screen begins to blur again.

John begins to struggle in the seat, but his eyes are still closed. Teyla turns her attention on him.

"John? John, can you hear me?" yells Teyla.

Ronon and Rodney quickly go to Teyla to see what is going on. John still doesn't respond. Finally, Sam, Keller, the medical and science team arrive.

A new image comes on the screen. It's John walking through the corridor of Atlantis. His eyes wonder until he settles on the figure in front of him. They hear him give a satisfying sigh on the screen.

"_What is going on_?" demands Sam.

Rodney walks up to Sam and begins to explain what was happening. Radek walks up to Ronon and Teyla. He also begins to watch the screen. Ronon and Radek begin to smile widely.

"He's watching you Teyla," Ronon says teasingly.

"What? No. He is not…" Teyla stutters.

They hear him on the screen call Teyla's name and before the woman that John is following turns around, the screen goes blank. The two men look at Teyla with boyish smirks.


	3. Chapter 3

A new image starts to immerge on the screen and Rodney is still at the console trying to figure out what's happening to John.

"Rodney, what's with this?" asks Sam as she stares at the screen.

"I'm still not sure, but I think we are seeing Sheppard's memories, answers Rodney. "We've only saw a couple. One was a kinda scary childhood memory and the other is him looking at Teyla's…." Rodney stops when Teyla gives him a nasty look.

"And there is some kind of force field around him," Teyla adds.

A picture of a crowd of people in John's family living room comes up on the screen. Everyone is well dressed, laughing, drinking, eating and enjoying each other's company. They see John's dad holding a little baby and smiling widely. An older woman walks up to admire the baby.

"Hi, Aunt Sarah. Isn't he the most handsome little boy?" brags John's father.

"You know my dear, I do believe you are right. He looks exactly like your brother did when he was born. May he rest in peace, "Aunt Sarah adds sadly. "I am so glad that you named him after Graham. I think he would be honored."

John's father lowers his eyes sadly, "I hope so. Thank you Aunt Sarah.

Sarah looks at John's mom and then squats down. John was hiding behind his mother's skirt. "Hi Johnny. Boy, you have grown so much since I saw you last. Do you remember me?" She smiles as John slowly shakes his head no. "That's ok. Are you excited to have a baby brother?

John doesn't answer and hides further behind his mom. His father gives him a disappointing look.

"Johnny, give your aunt some respect and answers her! "John's dad scolds.

The image changes to when John first met Teyla. Ronon makes a teasing remark about her hair, but Teyla doesn't hear him. She smiles at remembering that moment, but John grunting in pain soon interrupts it.

"Why is he in pain?" Teyla asks with worry.

"Maybe it's an Ancient torture device," suggests Radek.

"And _why _would they Ancients want to torture another Ancient?" quips Rodney with a whine. Radek shrugs his shoulders.

"I'm concern with all the stress this might put Colonel Sheppard through, but there's no way for me to hook up any machines to him," says Keller.

Rodney snaps his fingers a few times, "Oh! I think I might have seen something here that might help."

Rodney points to a screen with a lot of Ancient writing. Keller looks at him with a puzzled look.

"I think it's something similar to what we use to check the heart rate and stuff like that. I might be able to finagle a way for you to hook up your machines to monitor Sheppard," gloats Rodney.

Keller asks one of her staff member to get what she might need, as Rodney tries to get ready to set Keller's machines up.

"Um, Rodney?" Radek says nervously.

"What! Can't you see I'm busy?" snips Rodney.

"I think I figured out what this machine is for," answers Radek. Rodney stops what he is doing and looks at him. "I think it's another device that helps them to descend. In a way, I think it's trying to purge any bad memories. I think."

"What is that suppose to mean?" asks Ronon.

Rodney eyes open wide with fear, "I think it means that this machine is gonna keep Sheppard here until he… until he ascends."


	4. Chapter 4

Everyone is in shock over Rodney's assessment of the machines purpose. Teyla has a puzzled look on her face a she looks at John and then to Ronon.

"Are you saying that everything we've seen so far are what Sheppard thinks of as bad memories?" asks Ronon.

"Um, no… I don't think so," responds Radek. "I think some maybe good, but I'm not sure yet as why those images are appearing."

A very brief image of a funeral comes up on the screen. Many people dressed in black and crying. A beautiful spray of flowers is laid across the casket and a banner with the words, beloved wife and mother, on it. The memory quickly changes to a happier moment. John and his brother are older and their father is playing football with them in the backyard. His father is still favoring his brother slightly, but it didn't matter. John laughs with a youthful voice as his father and brother tackle him. His mom is on the sideline cheering everyone on and clapping joyfully.

While John is remembering, he begins to moan louder than before and struggling in the chair. Sweat slowly merges from his brow.

"He sounds like he's in pain," Teyla fearfully expresses. "Why would such a wonderful memory be hurting him?"

Rodney and Radek don't have an answer for her. Radek franticly tries to skim through the database to figure it out as Rodney finishes hooking up Keller's machines to monitor Sheppard's vital signs. John's heart rate is expectantly high, due to the stress of what he is going through, but still not too harmful to him.

"I think I found it!" shouts Radek. "It says here that if the person resists the purging, due to painful memories and tries to recall more pleasant ones, then the force field will put pressure on them to discourage this action." He continues reading. "Oh no."

"What!" everyone responds.

"Um, I don't know how else to say this, but um. They also had some casualties. When the person didn't ascend, but died because they weren't able to face their darker repressed memories."

The room grows silent, knowing that either way John is going to die if they don't figure out how to get him out of it.

The screen goes dark again and John's heart rate begins to slow down.

"Teyla," John mumbles.

Teyla quickly turns around to see John's eyes half open. She can see the fear in his eyes, but he tries not to let it show.

"Can I get out now? I don't like this ride," he says with a weak smirk.

Teyla frowns and barely cracks a smile, "I'm sorry John, and we are working on it as fast a they can to get you out."

"I'm just so… tired…" John faintly speaks before he closes his eyes again.

"_Dr. Keller_?" Teyla shouts.

Keller looks at the monitors and reassures Teyla that his just sleeping.

During the next hour or so, minor bad memories flash on the screen. He recalls waking from a bad dream after watching a scary movie; he remembers his dog, Champ, being sick and almost dying, and so on.

Everyone grows more fearful as John's vital signs begin to drop slightly.


	5. Chapter 5

John's breaks from his worse memories were short lived. Again, John is forced to see the burial of his mother. Nancy, his ex-wife, is standing by his side comforting him and as John brings her hand up to kiss it you can see that she has a wedding ring on. Immediately after, other horrible events immerge onto the screen. His ordeal while he was in the war and the friends he lost. He and Nancy getting divorce and the fight with his family that followed after.

Again, John tries to fight his haunting memories. As he struggles in the chair and he restrains to verbalize his pain, many flashes of more pleasant memories appear. Some were from Earth, but most of his memories are of him in Atlantis.

They hear his laughter and those of Ronon, Rodney and Teyla. They are sitting around a table in the mess hall. Other images appear, Teyla's smile, Ronon drinking beer, him beating Rodney at chess and many other people in Atlantis. In between those are John and his friends in the service doing similar things, like watching football and playing practical jokes.

John's breathing becomes more laborious and the monitors indicate that his heart rate is becoming dangerously high. Those who are working on a solution to shut the machine down watch helplessly.

The screen grew dark again and lasted for several minutes. Almost as if it was giving John a break, but this time he didn't talk. His eyes barely open as he tries to look around to his friends. They can see the exhaustion plastered on his face. Teyla, Sam and Ronon try to give him words of encouragement. He closes eyes and the whole cycle begins again.

They witness him fighting in combat during the war and his struggles to save his friends and losing many. When he finally gets to go home he has trouble coping. Nancy has a hard time understanding why he is so different and his family comes to her defense. They have a heated argument and when he gets a call to help in a mission, to find any MIA soldiers, he jumps at the chance. Shortly after, he gets some divorce papers and he signs them reluctantly.

After showing the events that he struggled with on Earth they begin to see his burdens from Atlantis. Starting with the culling on Athos, him having to kill Sumner and releasing the Wraith. The loss of Ford, Carson and Weir hit John pretty hard. He goes a secret place to let out his frustrations, where no one can hear or see him, while he let out his rage by screaming at the top of his lungs. Everyone grows silent and some shed some tears, including Teyla.

John's monitor indicates he is getting weaker by the moments. His struggles between the hard memories are few and far between now. Nobody knows what to say. Unless McKay and the science team are able to shut it down there is no hope for John.

Ronon hears the conversation between John and Teyla when they thought he was going to leave Atlantis to be with his Satedan friends. Ronon hangs his head down in sadness.

They all witness John's nightmare with the crystal entity. Rodney, for the first time sees how John would react to his death. He forces himself not to choke up.

The next event is the worse one they witness. At first it seems to be a minor memory, John is alone with Teyla and she begins to tell him that she's pregnant. She explains the whole story and John silently listens. She thanks him for being understanding and leaves. They next scene is something no one expected. John goes to his room and begins to throw stuff around. He leaves and begins to go to his secret place. The screen goes black.

John begins to yell in pain. He tries to force more pleasant memories to the surface but he is so weak that it's difficult. In between the more cheerful recollections they see glimpses of John going ballistic.

"Way to go John!" he roars. "She's pregnant by another man! Why didn't you just tell her before how you feel! You idiot!"

Tears flow down Teyla's face. She looks at Ronon with deep sadness.

"Did you know about this?" she asks him. He shakes his head no.


	6. Chapter 6

John can no longer fight back the painful memory. His yelling slowly subsides to a low moan and then nothing. They screen grows dark and everyone instinctively looks at the heart monitor. Its beeps become slower and slower.

Despite the pain he knows he will endure, John manages to show everything he loved about Atlantis, especially his friends. At the end the force field comes down. Keller and her team rush in to tend to him, but he motions to Teyla.

Keller and staff leave to give them some privacy. He motions to Teyla lean down to whisper in her ear.

"I wish I told you earlier… but I was a coward," John begins with labored breath. "I love you… I guess I always have. I didn't…I didn't know how much…until I almost lost you. Tell… little Charin… I'll miss her."

Tears stream down her face and Ronon screams in frustration. He is about to leave the room, but bright light gulfs them all. Suddenly, the brightness disappears and Elizabeth stands before them.

"I am sorry to have waited so long. I am not even supposed to interfere. The other ascended Ancients have warned me, but I know that John is not supposed to die now. There are so many things that he needs to do," she announces.

Elizabeth glances at John and they can hear the monitor indicating that his heart rate is increasing. John begins to stir and Teyla and Keller rush to his side. He sits up and looks around.

"What the hell," he starts. "Elizabeth? I thought you… we all saw you d…"

Elizabeth interrupts, "No. I didn't die exactly. I… well, I have…"

"Ascended," Rodney responds in awe and Elizabeth nods in agreement.

"We are so grateful Elizabeth for what you have done for John," smiles Teyla. Elizabeth gives her wink and a graceful bow of her head.

"There is one more thing though that I have to do," she says before a darkness falls on all of them.

John, Teyla, Rodney and Ronon are back in the corridor out side of the lab. They look at each other's with confusion on their faces.

"De ja vous," Rodney exclaims.

"Do you know what just happened?" asks Ronon.

"All remember is Elizabeth coming to me and tell me not to go into that room. I remember small glimpses of John almost…" Rodney pauses.

"Yeah, she said the same to me and she said that we weren't going to remember anything else that John went through," states Ronon.

John looks at Teyla, "Did you see Elizabeth too?" Teyla nods her head yes. "Well, I guess she let me remember the whole thing and I don't want to do _that_ again. Let's just mark this as a room to keep away from and find a way to shut it down later. I say let's call it a day."

They all agree. Ronon and Rodney lead the way follow by Teyla and John. John begins to lag behind Teyla. She waves a finger over her shoulder.

"And do not think that I am not aware of what you are looking at John Sheppard," reprimands Teyla.

She turns around to see John's head still slightly tilted and trying to look innocent. She gives him a wink and continues to head towards Ronon and Rodney.

"I thought you said that Elizabeth didn't let you remember anything?" interrogates John.

Teyla smiles, " I said no such thing. Only Ronon and Rodney said that. I only answered yes to seeing her."

"Wait! How much do you remember?" asks John with a tone of concern.

"That is for me to know and for you to find out," she responds teasingly.

"And when did you learn that?" he questions.

She continues to laugh as she walks away.

Later in the day, Teyla goes looking for John she finds him at his secret place.

"Am I interrupting you?" asks Teyla.

John looks surprised, "How did you… oh yeah. Never mind," John says with a small smile.

"Do not worry. I will not tell anyone else," she smiles. Teyla scopes the scenery and is in awe. "I can see why you come here."

"How much do you remember?" he asks.

"Everything. Elizabeth thought that you might need someone else to talk to once in awhile. I hope you do not mind," she says sadly.

John shows a twinkle in his eyes, "No. I'm actually glad, but if you know everything you know how I feel about you." He lowers his eyes fearing her response.

"I feel the same way John," she answers.

He looks up to her dazed, "But… but what about you and Charin's dad?

"I wish I could explain that to you more, but I am letting you know that it is nothing for you to worry about," she reassures him.

He gets closer to her a cups his hand around her cheek. She leans into the warmth of his palm.

"I've been wanting to do this for so long," John whispers.

He gives her a soft gentle kiss and she returns his affection. They both smile immensely at each other afterwards.

A mischievous grin comes across John's face, "I guess I have another reason to come up here now." Teyla giggles.

He wraps his arms around her and they stay for a while admiring the scenery of city.

The End.


End file.
